Wednesday, October 10, 2012

THIS IS NOT IT

This is a good title for anyone who is writing an article about Enlightenment. How do you reach it? Where is it? What is it? These are great questions to ask, but don't ask them of any person, as soon as they start to tell you, THAT'S NOT IT. Catch my drift?
I feel as though the only thing a teacher can ACTUALLY point at, is not how to reach "Enlightenment" or what it is, but simply to point at YOU. That is something most bodies do not want to look at. They will look everywhere else, but within.
DON'T LOOK at YOUR NAME HERE! That's NOT it either. You think, okay, I have to look at myself. Okay, here goes. My name is _____ and I try to do nice things, and I try to be a good person, and everyone always seems to take advantage of me or is really mean to me, but I will just try and be a better person and then maybe good things will happen...
NOT IT!
I only say this because of the numerous traps that my mind tried to lead me into. The mind wants to be part of your magical little journey. It says, oh Enlightenment? YES! I want to be that special person! Let's do it! But your mind is not really what leads you there.
Honestly from the perspective "I'm" at now, it seems as though there isn't any real way to exercise your Awareness muscle so that you "turn" Enlightened. The desire has to be there, and the yearning, the discomfort in the body, these will all propel you. But what flicks the switch? Well, YOU, the Utlimate YOU, but what determines this in various bodies? Internally I'm feeling neutral about this. It's almost impossible to say, you may already know inherently that you will turn this switch, and I do believe that "knowing" this, without a doubt, is a sure sign that you will succeed. Eckhart Tolle, an Awakened One without a doubt, speaks of this "deepening" and the pursuit of becoming more present in the body. So the "striving" for this state cannot be ignored or denied.
Back to the Looking Within. If you are trying to resolve all the feelings of hurt, anguish, regret, betrayal, (need I go on?) that has happened to you since childhood, then you are not going to find what you seek. These are all things that might need to be healed. But rest-assured that if you keep returning to these, you will be forever exhausted. There is no "you" to be healed. These things will continue to arise to be "healed" or "fixed." Just give up on them, accept them. It's kind of like trying to kill the evil mushrooms in Mario Bros. You jump on their backs, and walk until they're off screen, go back and they're alive again.
If you keep trying to squish every emotion, you're just exhausting an endless game. Don't feel like you aren't doing it right if you keep getting anxiety, or if you keep experiencing sadness. This isn't YOU and there's really nothing to be done about it. The real Gold is beneath these surface games, once you see it you will laugh, I promise you.
This is why I can say with complete certainty, "THIS IS NOT IT." I urge you to turn inwards. To really go to the source. Then, when you feel guided, certainly read from the true Ascended Masters, but only after you have tasted it yourself. If you don't want to read what someone else has to say about it, that's great too! Because YOU have everything you need within YOU. Your body is the PORTAL, the GATEWAY to the INFINITE and the FINITE. They meet within YOU! Don't seek to entertain the Finite you. This will only prolong suffering. Drop those games and seek higher, deeper, beyond.


This cannot be written...

I spent the last few minutes searching on the internet for something I will not find. Search for the word "Enlightened" and you will find a multitude of self help books. You will find an infinite number of "teachers" and "coaches." There are too many books to read, too many interviews, podcasts, radio shows, blogs, Facebook pages, it is endless.
What I was searching for is not in any of them. When I think of what "I" have discovered, I have to laugh at all of these various techniques, descriptions, sign posts, whatever you want to call them. I even laugh at "myself." All of the countless pages I have written about how "I feel" about something someone said, or something that "resonates" with me. It's all very funny and pointless.
I don't think writing a blog post, posting a video, any of these things, will help you. This blog started out as a place for a sensitive girl to express herself while she began to seek inwardly. (That "person" seems so distant now.) If you are a sensitive person, I do not discourage you from doing this. Now I realize that the sensitivity itself is pointing you in the right direction.
Here's the truth, you will never find it in the material world. Just knowing that this exists is enough. Don't begin seeking and filling your mind with all of these preconceived notions of how it should be.
This vastness exists whether you believe it in or not, you are a part of it. As soon as I begin to refer to "it" I feel like I should just stop myself. I AM, and that is all that matters.
I've realized that this is the ONLY thing worth pursuing. All else is imaginary, all else is illusory because you will never actually reach it. This is the only thing you can actually obtain. There is nothing in the physical world that you can actually "achieve."
I look around and I am not sad, I am no longer frustrated with the world. I am in awe of it, and I wonder how the majority of people aren't pursuing the ultimate. I wish to shake them to wake them up. Haha!
That of course is useless. I can see how these masters, Rumi, Buddha, Jesus, they wrote beautifully, and they wished to help others wake up. Their words are timeless and so eloquent, yet so easily misunderstood by the mind and what it wants to believe. It's not that these "teachers, gurus, etc." didn't try to point the right way. It's just that there is no actual pointing. There is only being. I have to chuckle because I can hear these same phrases coming from me now and I know how they are so quickly interpreted and misconstrued by the mind.
I can see how when I would first read or hear about the Ultimate, I would think I understood it. But this was all on the surface. This is all just an illusion. I had glimpses of it, but I didn't fully understand it. I will continue to understand these concepts even deeper than I do now, I do not claim to be on the level of Buddha or Jesus, because there is a deepening taking place within. Either way I have reached  place where there is nothing to say to describe it, there is no one to ask for help, there just IS.

Monday, September 24, 2012

River Gateway

MONDAY! I’m so tired physically! I’m not sure why, but I’m especially tired today. I just woke up this morning, wondering when this cycle is going to be over. When this job is going to no longer serve me. I feel and sense that it no longer does. I had so many experiences...more on that later...but I really feel as though I’ve moved on from the job but it hasn’t physically manifested yet and I’m wondering if this means I’m not doing enough to change.
I have received multiple messages of what must be done. Right now I am in a stage of transitioning. I have experienced much of this and it’s just that the physical takes a bit of time to follow. I will tell you what happened yesterday.
My Twin Flame and I took a hike in the woods. It was so amazing. The energies were so perfect, pure, smooth, and heightened. I felt like I was in a vortex of energy. It was amazing. We sat on a bridge and just watched the water pass under our feet. It was so relaxing and necessary for the cleansing. Beautiful!
Afterwards we walked further through the woods and just made our own path. Everything was in divine order, we were just existing and enjoying nature and pure being. There was a moment when we were crossing over one of the many rivers. I looked into the water and I just felt this need to pause. I thought “This river is full of energy and crossing this river is like crossing through a gateway.” I thought about how running water is super-charged and imagined myself passing through a light gateway. Then I closed my eyes and I felt myself in the presence of the many and the essence of the river and the spirit of nature. They were nature beings I suppose. I felt the tears of joy coming down my cheeks. I felt myself being lifted up and also light coming through my crown chakra. I felt this overwhelming joy. I was being enveloped by light and they told me that I was meant to have come to their forest. I was meant to be there, that it was all happening in divine timing and that I needed to have faith. They told me that I was needed there. They told me that I was “exactly where I needed to be.” They were basically just reassuring and cleansing me of any doubt or negativity. My mind was going, but I was rooted in place and I was basking in this glow. It was so powerful, I felt as though I was no longer in my body, the body felt very heavy and distant. Yet I was still in it. I experienced it in the body, and yet I would describe it as an out-of-body experience. I felt very, very empowered. I’m not sure how long it lasted, but my eyes opened by themselves and I was just told to walk and continue.
My body was moving, but I was not guiding it. I was slowly returning back, but my eyes had already opened and my body had already begun to move. I was trying to hang onto that experience and not lose it.
I think that’s why I felt the need to not go to work today. I feel as though I have moved on, but the body continues to go to work. It’s interesting. I can’t say I was resistant to it, because it’s not the same. It’s not the same kind of feeling b/c it almost feels on the surface and not how I really feel. Whereas before, I did feel that it mattered. I do not feel as though it “matters” I just notice there is an inbetween. In other words, the body is acting in the old and the spirit is acting in the new and somewhere between is the mind. It hasn’t completely followed because it is still thinking it needs to go to work, make money, etc. The inner knowing is calm and at peace and I feel very much connected to that infinite peace. Strange right?
I can’t say it’s strange either, the strange is still on the surface and does not really affect me. I can’t really describe it.
I do know that I am kind of operating from the space in between. I have not yet received guidance on what the physical manifestation of all of this will be, however I feel the change is approaching. I did not know what I will be guided to do, however I did receive this message. The Message was from the cards that BDivine read. She said that it is the time for change, that you would need to let go and to cut ties, but that all I needed to do was to cut ties from within and then this would open up the pathway. Whatever way she said this exactly, I began to cry and I knew this to be the truth and this to be the divine guidance. Once I have truly cut ties emotionally, mentally, then it can finally make way for the physical.
This cutting of ties has been going on for some time. I have already lost that roller coaster emotion based on what is happening with my job. I no longer have that. I am not invested in it. When I leave, I do not think about it or worry about it. I just have no desire. She also said, the more I think about it, the more I try to work out what is going to happen and how it is going to unfold, the more energy I am putting towards it. I started doing that this morning, trying to figure out what my next move is going to be. Don’t buy into that. You only need FAITH. That is all. You may have the FAITH that everything is going to work out in divine timing.
Now connecting back to my experience in the woods, they were there to comfort and reassure you. Everything is as it should be. You are there for that message, you are there for many more. You are connected and will always be connected.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Asking For Help

It's been a very long time since I've felt guided to post something. I've really come a long way, in the sense that I've had many awakenings since my last post. There are many others experiencing these energy shifts and having incredible experiences. Beautiful!
Well, I'd like to return with a post about asking for Help. I've been writing throughout the entire experience, and I will most likely post most of these thoughts and musings here, as I am guided to.
Anyway, back to asking for HELP. This seems so simple, but so often we forget that we have this resource at our fingertips. The infinite is there to help. You are the infinite, and so asking for help from your higher self, and from the one source, is like asking for Help from your future self who can look back and guide you through your steps.
I think often we seek Help from "teachers" and people who have given themselves this label. Some are offering valuable guidance, but I can't stress enough the importance of seeking Truth within. If you are not sure what this means for You, then ASK for HELP. I promise you, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not sure how to find growth and insight into the Truth. Too often we ask others for advice, we read other's experiences, we compare ourselves to those we look up to.
There is nothing wrong with this, please don't get me wrong, I'm not discounting this. Yet seeking outside yourself will only bring you so far, and you won't reach that inner peace and connect with Source without Asking from within. How do you do this? It doesn't matter where you are, just ASK, out-loud, write it down on a piece of paper, sing it out, or just close your eyes and think it. "Please help me reach my highest vibration." "Help me grow to my greatest potential." Ask with your purest, most love-filled intentions.
The honest beautiful truth is that we are the only ones experiencing this unique life, with it's own challenges and joys. So no one can really tell you what to expect in your growth. I'm strictly talking about the internal, (the one source). 
I can say honestly from experience that you do not need to change ANYthing in your outer world in order to achieve peace within. This doesn't mean you should stay in a bad situation, it simply means that if you continue to seek the outward for the inner completion, it will never happen. Don't just understand the words...experience it for yourself. The key word is Experience. 
If you are reading this, you are probably someone else who is on this path of ascension, and I honor you in your journey and that you are seeking a higher awareness. So wonderful! 
If you've been seeking for some time, you may need time to simply live. Rest in awareness, stay aware of life and what it is telling you. As you live your life, use your challenges to help you grow. AND if you get stuck, if you aren't sure how to get over something, if you have the same anxiety returning, the same fears, the same thoughts of the "old," simply ASK for help and trust that it will be received. If it's from your guides, or your higher self, it makes no difference, just ASK. Trust that LOVE, ONEness, TRUTH, is listening and will answer you, YOU will answer YOU. 
Best of LOVE!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Energies, Shifts, and Restlessness

I have been feeling so strange lately. Not in a bad way, but I'm just super charged all the time. I feel as though I'm experiencing a massive change.
Last night I had the most amazing Tarot Reading. The card representing me was The Sun, and it was being overlapped by The Moon. I think this represents the balance I've been experiencing of Light and Dark. I've been so charged in both areas. It's been amazing. I've been embracing both the light and the dark side of my life.
The root of the matter was Justice, which my eye was immediately drawn to the Scales in her hand and once again the balance that I have been achieving.
On top of that I had three Knights surrounding me. Pentacles, Wands, and Cups (as my final outcome.) I felt these energies were surrounding me and giving me strength. I tend to be a quiet person, but the Knights have been arising in my readings to represent the powerful male energy that has been propelling me forward and balancing my feminine side. The Knight energy to me is very headstrong and fearless, an energy that I could use more of. Seeing it in my reading as a trilogy was very promising and reassuring that these changes I've been experiencing have not just been my imagination.
I feel as though these times are filled with great change. I've heard of others experiencing this restlessness,  sensitives are experiencing the shifting of energies more than others. Now is a great opportunity to really face those sides of you that you are still clinging to and have not yet resolved. It's a beautiful transformation taking place above and below.
I think it is also a time to delve into our creative sides a bit. When I write I can feel myself enter the Flow of the universe and I can feel the energy of source rising within. Exercising our creativity is very similar to meditation. The energies are certainly on high, so I suggest going for it and setting aside some time to work on your own form of artistic expression. It might free some of those blockages you've been holding onto.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Sensitive to Solar Flares

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Is it just me or has anyone else been experiencing the amazing energy from the solar flares? I have had such a hard time resting at night because I feel so energized! It's the strangest thing! There are so many strong feelings coursing through me right now. I feel like many changes are taking place and I hear this information circulating through others on this path.
This is said to have an effect on the Northern Lights, how amazing is that? These things that are happening in the universe are such an amazing reminder of how amazing this physical life is and how everything is interconnected. One interesting trait has been this inner feeling that I have entirely changed, yet my outside form is still responding in the same ways it always has.
I feel as though I am slowly morphing into a new self, and it feels as if all the energy in the universe is churning and sparking like the sun. The sun is within You. Don't try to imagine it, just feel it, know it. The sun is within Being and we are Being.
I am usually a very lethargic person. I always go to sleep early and enjoy my rest. Lately I have been so charged, I feel as though I want to run, hike, be active. I never had these feelings for very long, as I mentioned I have always needed to allow myself a lot of rest. I'm sensitive like that.
But it has been incredible the amount of energy I have had lately! It only seems to increase! I was up last night just writing and thinking. I'm really enjoying it. I know it can't last forever, but I am looking forward to spending time outdoors and releasing some of this surplus energy.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Why am I a Sensitive Empath?

I find myself identifying this body, the person called "Juniper" with the labels "sensitive" and "empath." I don't like getting into the "story" that isn't really who I AM. It's not who I really am, I simply AM. We are all pure being essence. It's beautiful, everything we experience is for the ultimate GOOD, life is an amazing opportunity. I understand that now in ways I never had before.
So why do I keep referring back to these Sensitive traits? Being Sensitive means getting sweaty palms whenever I have to meet with someone at work. It means my voice getting shaky when I have to speak in front of everyone. It means not wanting to walk past someone on the street because I will feel their emotions, their judgements good or bad. I fear these various encounters.
Yet what Source has spoken, is that indeed being a Sensitive is certainly a challenge, but it is similar to any challenge or trait one might be faced with. Firstly, do not get swept up in this story. The one that says because I'm an Empath or Sensitive, I also have to be uncomfortable in front of other people.
You may indeed feel uncomfortable, heart-racing, sweat dripping, fear around others. This is simply part of your Sensitive nature. Enjoying the subtle energies of life, connecting with Spirit, and speaking with animals are all traits of being a Sensitive as well.
So ultimately, there is no Sensitive Empath, there is only Being. This body I have been gifted with is very much attuned to the subtle energies of life and it is a wondrous feeling that I remind my self daily should not be taken for granted.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

We Are All Light Beings

As I begin to read people, I'm starting to see how amazing every individual is. I can see how we are all very focused on our own current situation, which is perfectly normal and fine, but sometimes we need to step outside of ourselves, to help us heal.
By "step outside of ourselves" I don't mean try to run from our fears, or try to forget who we are. Instead, I'm talking about that constant stream of fear, worry, and doubt that is on constant replay in our minds. If we succumb to these doubts, which are ultimately our ego in "animal survival mode," then we lose sight of the bigger picture.
When I tap into people to read them, the easiest part is feeling their emotion. It can bring me to tears sometimes, not in a bad way, in a good refreshing way. I can sense their energy and it is refreshing to reflect another's light.
There is light surrounding all of you. We are all light beings. Those of us who seek advice from someone tapping into the source, are seeking a higher path. But regardless of whether or not we are able to give the advice that others want to hear, we should really try to give the energy that others want to feel. I hope that regardless of how accurate I was in a reading, that just the interaction will bring someone closer to their bliss. Sometimes just knowing someone listened, or noticed, can help us shift into a higher vibration.
The connections I'm making with others in need of kindness, has been enlightening. It makes me want to shine brighter!

Tarot Reading & Twin Flame

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So, I've been reading my Tarot Cards every night. It's been somewhat informative, but also it helps me connect to Source and feel connected. I like tapping into that energy, and also the practice of accessing my intuition. It's somewhat like a meditation and also a cleansing.
My Twin Flame also likes to pick one, it's fun just to see what energies are surrounding each of us. He picked the High Priestess.
Last night I had an amazing reading. Lately I've been having spreads that include opposites. Like, I'll pick the King of wands and the Queen of wands. Or the Kind of Pentacles and Queen. Or the Two of Cups, which is very much a union/relationship card, or of course The Lovers. Last night's reading was very much about a new side of me emerging. I had many major arcanas including The Hermit, The Sun, The High Priestess (same as my Beloved), and Temperance.
It became very clear to me that this awakening is a mutual process for my Beloved and I. I realized that this relationship has become a mirror for the both of us. We cannot move forward with the growth of the other. This has already become clear to me since we have known each other. It's really strange. One of us will have an awakening of sorts. We will experience a higher level of awareness than the other. Almost immediately afterwards, the other will jump ahead too. We've described these similar experiences to one another and it's really incredible.
When we first met one another, there was a huge jump in growth. We dropped many layers of veils that we'd built up over time and shed many skins.
Since then, we've been on this unique path towards awakening. I have begun to tap into my sensitivity, which we both share, but we each have different abilities. When I've received guidance in the past, through Source, I have been told that in the past I have acted as Spirit Guide to my Twin Flame. I think he has had more incarnations on this Earth than I have, but I've helped to guide him from the outside.
This has been a painful journey, but one that is very rewarding. Yesterday we took a walk together and realized that prior to our meeting, we had both been on a path towards destruction. He had been involved in drugs, in one sort or another, and I had gone through layers of depressions and methods of self-harm.
It dawns on me now that in a way, we allowed those parts of ourselves to die. It seems like another lifetime. Once we met, it was like a new life began, or even that we had been waiting for life to begin all along. There will be many more "deaths" to come before we are completely awakened. It is such an amazing journey that has brought us here.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Twin Flame Challenges and Relationships

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It is undeniable that the Twin Flame relationship brings with it many challenges. As I've mentioned before, prior to meeting my Twin Flame I had a strong feeling that he was present. Somehow I could feel him and know him. Honestly, I did not know what a Twin Flame was until well after meeting him. I honestly could've described the "Twin Flame" relationship as how it felt meeting my partner, but I didn't have the label "Twin Flame" to attach to it.
Ultimately, I really have to stress how difficult it is meeting your Twin Flame. It requires a lot of self-improvement and looking inward for guidance and understanding. The self is simply an illusion, and your Twin Flame will help you break that down.
 When I met with my Twin Flame, different parts of me died and I feel as though I emerged into a higher state of awareness. It was a very tumultuous time in my life and I was forced to face parts of myself that I did not like.
Often my Twin Flame will reflect back to me how I need to speak up more, or will tell me I am too passive. This really pushes my buttons, but this is what a Twin Flame does. It is yourself in physical form, they are your opposite mirroring back to you what you need to grow and create balance. It's not an easy reuniting, but it is also very fulfilling if you can recognize what it means.
Obviously that one example of how my Twin Flame pushes my buttons, isn't the most inspiring example, but you get the idea. Ultimately all of our relationships do this exact thing. They are bringing to light your true insecurities and what you believe to be your insufficiency. (But ultimately you are not lacking anything.) Once you reach your Twin Flame, I feel this is the chance to experience the ultimate "death" of the self that you have created. To break free from the bonds that keep you from your true self, and from awakening.
But it is ALL good. It is all here to be experienced. So whether or not you are currently with your Twin Flame, all the relationships we are experiencing are good and will help us on the path. Rather than struggling in them and trying to make them something they are not, we must embrace them. See the mirror of yourself in those around you and how they are helping you and guiding you to be more attuned to your INNER TRUTH.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Do we have free will?

This question has been on my mind lately. Ultimately, I believe that we are all existing in pure being, pure light. So ultimately everything is good, everything is occurring in us. Ultimately there is nothing to lose, and nothing to gain, because we are eternal. Being is eternal.
That's all fine and dandy, I can accept this. In fact, I find it somewhat comforting to believe that life is simply a story that I am watching enfold, it is simply a ride - Being expressing itself in multiple forms.
But that isn't enough. Is my mind simply trying to create purpose where there isn't any? That just doesn't resonate with me. I can accept that we are riding the ride, but to say the ride is completely void of destination seems like a waste of energy.
So what is this all about? To what extent do we have free will, if at all?
The free will, is not how we would imagine it. It's not in that we perhaps are choosing every step and direction we take, sometimes we are subject to our physical forms and their reactions, circumstances, etc. The free will is beyond that. The free will is to be aware. In awareness we find our true freedom. When we are acting from awareness we are enabling our free will.
You can not make a decision when you are still acting from a place of unconsciousness. When that is the case, you are simply responding to the energy flow. It takes over you and it guides you. This is okay, there is nothing wrong in it. There is nothing lost, you have an infinite amount of time to become aware and to reach Enlightenment.
If you answer the call, if you respond to your inner voice, you will help yourself move towards your highest energy. Acting out of fear and ignoring this voice, this inner knowing, will keep you in your ignorance.
First, forgive yourself, don't resist your own thoughts, don't hate your built-up fears. Simply observe them and listen. Watch for that inner knowing. This is your truth, what resonates with you?
Free will is ultimately a decision made from this place. So what are you moving towards? Recognizing your true self. The self that is not individual, but is infinite.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Twin Flames: My Strange Story

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It's impossible for me to say what each and every Twin Flame pairing will experience, but I was getting ready for work this morning and I got to thinking of a particularly interesting connection that my Twin Flame and I had.
How will you know if it's your Twin Flame? You will just know. In fact, the feeling will be quite indescribable. It's less about finding the "love of your life." Although it feels that way too, but it's more like you've found yourself! There will be no question. But enough about that, here is my funny story.
Honestly before and after meeting my Twin Flame, I didn't know what a Twin Flame was. When I stumbled across the description, we both finally had a name for something we were both already aware of, but didn't have a label for yet. But before we even met I used to have the weirdest dreams...
The recurring dream was that I was smoking a cigarette. I never tried a cigarette before and never had the inkling to. None of my family members smoked, and it really didn't interest me whatsoever. So, you can imagine how strange it was that I would have a very distinct and realistic dream that I was a smoker.
It was so realistic that when I woke up from this dream, I would crave a cigarette. I would literally want to go smoke a cigarette. These dreams started when I was about 15 or 16 years old.
When I started going to college, I recall still having this dream. I am certain they continued this long because I remember telling someone about it and how strange it was.
I guess you are already guessing what I'm about to say. My Twin Flame was a smoker! Well, luckily he quit smoking and guess what? I haven't had the dream since. I've also since found out that he started smoking at around 15 years of age!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Empathic Consciousness

Okay, so in my recent quest for knowledge, I'm learning how much I am unskilled as an Empath. I don't have much trouble receiving the information and gaining more information. My problem is I can't turn it off! However, I'm starting to become more aware of how to stop my wild energy display once and for all and focus on me.
To be honest, trying to rein in my tendencies has been bitter sweet. I feel as though I'm denying others something, or that I am turning off something I hold in great value. But I also have to accept the fact that the only way I can really continue helping others, is to give myself a break. The techniques I'm learning do not involve building barriers, which I never felt worked, but becoming more aware of myself.
In fact, I had a real "ah ha" moment just the other day, and it's really only been three days since I started. I was talking to someone, and I realized that I was completely in their aura. I wasn't in myself at all. I became aware and then tried to "sit" inside myself. There was instant relief and comfort being in front of the person. Yet, my immediate problem was that I found it difficult to maintain and also hold a conversation.
Still, I think this was some sort of accomplishment, and I've been trying it out with other people throughout the day. It's kind of funny, trying to stay conscious of myself, (like most non-empaths do without any training) and talking is a bit like patting my head and rubbing my stomach. (I'm not very good at that either). Add thinking, walking, or expression to that and I'm just overloaded.
It might sound silly, but I am just so used to offering up all my energy to everyone I meet that it's hard to withhold that and really be present in myself. Plus, pulling back makes me feel blind. It's strange, but it's almost like I've relied on feeling what the other person is feeling as a way to gauge the conversation. So pulling my aura back, feels like I have no way of understanding and reading the person. It's kind of scary...
I realize that this is all part of the training. I'm certainly going to stick with it. I am already starting to feel better. Every time I pull back into myself, I also am saved from experiencing every pain, fear, anxiety of the other person. Which means I feel like I can actually speak my mind, giving me more confidence.
Yes it feels a bit like stepping into a new world where I don't quite speak the language, but I'm not giving up! I can already tell it's just a matter of time before I'm multi-tasking in my own aura with ease.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Spiritual Healing: Is it the only answer?

I've reached another point in my growth, where I've hit a wall and I'm unsure how to overcome it. I basically feel very lost, very burdened by my gifts. I am an empath, I'm certain of that, but one in multiple areas. I have also learned that I am a clairaudient, clairvoyent, and clairsentient. I'll stop there, because basically my point is that I'm sensitive, but I'm not a trained sensitive, so every so often all the stuff I've been picking up on overloads me and I just crash.
I think the source of this crash is most likely coming from my empathic abilities. I feel as though I'm very affected by my surroundings. But the problem is I pick all that gunk up and carry it with me. I find it very difficult to cleanse myself of it.
So I'm currently doing some searching on how to better control my abilities and to also hone my skills. This isn't the first time I've read a book on the subject, by any means, but I have a plan set in place and I'm following the steps.
Yet, I wonder if my best chance for really gaining control on all my sensitivities is to get help? Not from a doctor, I've tried that, or medication, I've tried that too. I mean, from someone who actually knows what I'm dealing with.
I've tried to talk to those in my life who I can actually discuss this sort of thing. I think they still think I'm kind of a kook. They probably think the healing I'm talking about isn't real and a waste of money. Or am I the one who is doubting my own intuition?
My intuition tells me that I need a teacher. Someone who can help me reach my full potential. I wonder if what I've picked up over time is beyond a simple exercise to fix. Even the book mentioned the idea that a Spiritual Healer and professional may be the only way to gain true clarity.
I haven't given up hope, and I haven't given up on this idea. I think I'm going to go through with it. Any advice for someone who has never gone? Also, I'll be sure to post about my experience.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Be Like Water

I think one of the things that causes me such distress throughout my path, is that I continue to fight my current situation. I feel as though I'm missing out on something much greater. The truth is that, because I am fighting so much the situation I am in, I am missing out on the guidance from within. I am in such discourse with life, that the real flow that could bring me the happiness I desire, is being missed.
Which is why I am going to try to be like water. I enjoy visiting Osho.net and choosing one of his Tarot Cards and this is what was shown to me today:

"The figure in this card is completely relaxed and at ease in the water, letting it take him where it will. He has mastered the art of being passive and receptive without being dull or sleepy. He is just available to the currents of life, with never a thought of saying "I don't like that," or "I prefer to go the other way." Every moment in life we have a choice whether to enter life's waters and float, or to try to swim upstream. When this card appears in a reading it is an indication that you are able to float now, trusting that life will support you in your relaxation and take you exactly where it wants you to go. Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more; everything is happening exactly as it should."

I would love so much to feel the currents of life and let them take me great places. I think I'm going to turn my attention to this more. Rather than trying to figure out what better things I could be doing, I'm going to devote my time to simply concentrating on the flow within. I sense that new opportunities would soon follow.

Any advice on experiencing the flow and being like water?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Lucid Dreaming

I had a very vivid Lucid Dream experience this morning! It was amazing. I was sitting in my dream with myself and my boyfriend. Literally myself, there were two of me. I could see myself in the dream sitting shotgun in a car with my boyfriend who I knew wasn't really him. Plus I was aware of myself.
Suddenly I'm sitting in the back seat, like the real me, and the fake me is still sitting in the front of the car. I realized I was dreaming. We were driving towards the mountains. I was really trying to stay in the dream, it was just so real that I couldn't believe I was actually still laying in my bed. I tried to pinch my arm, thinking it would prove that I was sleeping. It really did! I realized it didn't hurt at all, but I was still amazed at how deeply I was in my consciousness. I've had brief moments of waking in my dreams, but then either I wake up completely or I go into a deeper dream. This one lasted for much longer.
I tried to stay sleeping, but I slowly rose out of my dream and woke up and then drifted back into another sleep.
Anyway, having the experience makes me wonder what it means. I feel as though you don't just Lucid Dream all of sudden without some new awareness growing in you? Right? Or was it just pure luck and coincidence? I don't know if I believe in coincidence, but I am really grateful for this experience.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Law of Attraction Debate

So there are people on either end of the debate about the Law of Attraction. It's really difficult to define this, as there's no real way to prove something is real or not when it's intangible.
The more I read about it and experiment with it myself, the more I have begun to form an opinion that diverges somewhere in between it being right or wrong.
So first, I will define the law of attraction in my own words. The Law of Attraction says that "like attracts like." This isn't a really good definition though because we all know that "opposites attract." So really what the Law of Attraction is saying is that if you are vibrating at a certain level, then the energy around you is going to take on the same vibration and you will attract more things with that vibration. So, according to the law if you wake up everyday feeling negativity and projecting that, the world is going to show you what you project. (Bear with me as I sort out my thoughts).
The counter argument to that is there is no possible way that every bad (or good) thing that happens in your life is a result of your thoughts and feelings. I totally agree with that, but I do think we have more power and control than we think.
I'm kind of torn between believing "the world is in you" and also knowing that no one would be in a state that could attract the death of a loved one.
Everyone experiences the ups and downs of life, it's a delicate balance that reflects in the yin yang symbol. There's no way around it, there is going to be night and day, black and white, and no amount of positive thinking can change that. We are riding the waves of life.
But with that in mind, there is also a greater picture than that. There is a Spirit, Source, Phi, God, beyond this that is enlightenment and is peace. So what do I think is the ultimate truth?
We have control of this realm (which is both physical and spiritual) in an energy way and in a physical way. (Not scientific terms, but you get the idea.) If I were to physically go out and get a job, and influence my life in a very concrete way, there will be positive and negative affects because of it.
But I also do agree that my energy can influence my life. I can sometimes make something happen, draw a situation to me, with just my will alone. I have experienced that too. But just as my physical manipulation, my energy manipulation will still set a course for positive and negative whiplash. Perhaps it will come at me even faster because energy is more immediate than the material world.
For example, we've all experienced the situation when we are asking a question, or trying to remember a name, or thinking about an old movie, and BAM! The question is answered by someone sitting beside you on the train, or you see the name on a billboard, or that favorite movie of yours is playing on the TV when you get home from work. (This may be a message from the Universe, but there are also circumstances when I know it came from me.) The Universe has spoken to me in this way too many times for me to doubt it anymore. (And if you've been reading my blog you know I'm on a path to stop doubting my experiences.)
SO....after that long, drawn out explanation, I give you the final answer: Both sides of this debate are correct, but I don't think either is a complete idea. The Universe is a complex place, and I doubt I have brushed the surface on what it all really means.
So I think the Law of Attraction is a pretty ridiculous name. It's just a way to try and sound scientific, it's almost trying to be something it's not. (This is just a thought that popped into my head that has been bugging me.)
We are physical and spiritual beings and our physical and spiritual state of being is going to affect our surroundings. Either way, I say take control of it. Empower yourself to be the master of your ship. If you have that, then it doesn't matter was positive/negative circumstances come your way. You're living in your bliss.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

How to throw away your Tarot book:

Okay, I've been reading Tarot cards since I was maybe 13? Anyway, it's been over ten years. I've learned a lot when reading Tarot Cards. One is, you have to find your own ritual, your own connection to the cards. You also have to trust in your instincts and don't doubt that the cards are telling a story.
I've had moments where I thought, "There's nothing here. I don't get it!" In those cases I take a deep breath, and in my head I ask Spirit or the powers that be, what is the story?
But recently I've made the biggest leap of all. Now granted, when I read my own cards, I don't use a book. But I have to admit I cheat and carry the book with me whenever reading my friends, just in case there's a card that maybe I'm not sure how to explain. The book gives me some words to use, which I always find escape me whenever I'm trying to explain something.
Well, no more! The book is out the window and I suggest you try the same thing. First off, you probably don't really need the book at all, but having an understanding of the suits, and the card definitions, or maybe making up these definitions on your own, is probably a good idea before you start reading. There has to be a mutual language between you and your cards, so even if it's not the popular meaning, you still need to have one.
But once you've established your understanding, throw away the book! It is so liberating! I'm sure there are many Tarot Readers who are laughing at me right now because I didn't do this sooner. I know that I should have gone for it, but for those of you who are like me and are still unsure of their abilities, just go for it!

So How Did I Do It?
So first off, I laid out the cards with the idea, "I'm going to do this! I don't know how, but I'm going to do this." Instead of worrying about what cards I wasn't sure of, I instead just searched for my general feelings about the reading as a whole. A few times I had the urge to look something up, but I said "No, I can do this."
I began to tell the story based on the cards I was confident about. As I looked around at the cards I found more and more connections and answers. As I spoke, the answers came to mind and I continued to tell the story laid out before me. I started to see things in the cards I hadn't noticed before because I was too busy relying on the book to tell me what was what. It felt so freeing to listen to my inner voice for the answer. Forget what the book said, these cards (or Spirit) were speaking to me!
Needless to say, these readings were spot on. Maybe more so than they would've been if I was reading from the book. Plus, the people I was reading for felt that it was more authentic too. I could tell that they knew I was speaking from within and finding their story, not just giving them something they could've read themselves.
Anyway, this is just another step forward towards gaining complete confidence in reading people.
I've also been answering reading requests on the Empath Community with the hopes that I can tap into this resource without using cards. I think it's easier to gain that confidence on a forum rather than face to face, but we'll see how well I actually do.

So how do you throw away your Tarot Book? Find that inner confidence, and hold onto it. As a few friends you trust if you can read them. You don't want to know too much about them, or else you'll find it difficult to really differentiate between yourself and Spirit. I guess the lesson in throwing away your Tarot Book, is that if you're thinking about taking the leap and trusting in yourself, then just go for it. You'll feel so much freedom afterwards.