This cannot be written...

I spent the last few minutes searching on the internet for something I will not find. Search for the word "Enlightened" and you will find a multitude of self help books. You will find an infinite number of "teachers" and "coaches." There are too many books to read, too many interviews, podcasts, radio shows, blogs, Facebook pages, it is endless.
What I was searching for is not in any of them. When I think of what "I" have discovered, I have to laugh at all of these various techniques, descriptions, sign posts, whatever you want to call them. I even laugh at "myself." All of the countless pages I have written about how "I feel" about something someone said, or something that "resonates" with me. It's all very funny and pointless.
I don't think writing a blog post, posting a video, any of these things, will help you. This blog started out as a place for a sensitive girl to express herself while she began to seek inwardly. (That "person" seems so distant now.) If you are a sensitive person, I do not discourage you from doing this. Now I realize that the sensitivity itself is pointing you in the right direction.
Here's the truth, you will never find it in the material world. Just knowing that this exists is enough. Don't begin seeking and filling your mind with all of these preconceived notions of how it should be.
This vastness exists whether you believe it in or not, you are a part of it. As soon as I begin to refer to "it" I feel like I should just stop myself. I AM, and that is all that matters.
I've realized that this is the ONLY thing worth pursuing. All else is imaginary, all else is illusory because you will never actually reach it. This is the only thing you can actually obtain. There is nothing in the physical world that you can actually "achieve."
I look around and I am not sad, I am no longer frustrated with the world. I am in awe of it, and I wonder how the majority of people aren't pursuing the ultimate. I wish to shake them to wake them up. Haha!
That of course is useless. I can see how these masters, Rumi, Buddha, Jesus, they wrote beautifully, and they wished to help others wake up. Their words are timeless and so eloquent, yet so easily misunderstood by the mind and what it wants to believe. It's not that these "teachers, gurus, etc." didn't try to point the right way. It's just that there is no actual pointing. There is only being. I have to chuckle because I can hear these same phrases coming from me now and I know how they are so quickly interpreted and misconstrued by the mind.
I can see how when I would first read or hear about the Ultimate, I would think I understood it. But this was all on the surface. This is all just an illusion. I had glimpses of it, but I didn't fully understand it. I will continue to understand these concepts even deeper than I do now, I do not claim to be on the level of Buddha or Jesus, because there is a deepening taking place within. Either way I have reached  place where there is nothing to say to describe it, there is no one to ask for help, there just IS.