Thursday, March 8, 2012

Empathic Consciousness

Okay, so in my recent quest for knowledge, I'm learning how much I am unskilled as an Empath. I don't have much trouble receiving the information and gaining more information. My problem is I can't turn it off! However, I'm starting to become more aware of how to stop my wild energy display once and for all and focus on me.
To be honest, trying to rein in my tendencies has been bitter sweet. I feel as though I'm denying others something, or that I am turning off something I hold in great value. But I also have to accept the fact that the only way I can really continue helping others, is to give myself a break. The techniques I'm learning do not involve building barriers, which I never felt worked, but becoming more aware of myself.
In fact, I had a real "ah ha" moment just the other day, and it's really only been three days since I started. I was talking to someone, and I realized that I was completely in their aura. I wasn't in myself at all. I became aware and then tried to "sit" inside myself. There was instant relief and comfort being in front of the person. Yet, my immediate problem was that I found it difficult to maintain and also hold a conversation.
Still, I think this was some sort of accomplishment, and I've been trying it out with other people throughout the day. It's kind of funny, trying to stay conscious of myself, (like most non-empaths do without any training) and talking is a bit like patting my head and rubbing my stomach. (I'm not very good at that either). Add thinking, walking, or expression to that and I'm just overloaded.
It might sound silly, but I am just so used to offering up all my energy to everyone I meet that it's hard to withhold that and really be present in myself. Plus, pulling back makes me feel blind. It's strange, but it's almost like I've relied on feeling what the other person is feeling as a way to gauge the conversation. So pulling my aura back, feels like I have no way of understanding and reading the person. It's kind of scary...
I realize that this is all part of the training. I'm certainly going to stick with it. I am already starting to feel better. Every time I pull back into myself, I also am saved from experiencing every pain, fear, anxiety of the other person. Which means I feel like I can actually speak my mind, giving me more confidence.
Yes it feels a bit like stepping into a new world where I don't quite speak the language, but I'm not giving up! I can already tell it's just a matter of time before I'm multi-tasking in my own aura with ease.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Spiritual Healing: Is it the only answer?

I've reached another point in my growth, where I've hit a wall and I'm unsure how to overcome it. I basically feel very lost, very burdened by my gifts. I am an empath, I'm certain of that, but one in multiple areas. I have also learned that I am a clairaudient, clairvoyent, and clairsentient. I'll stop there, because basically my point is that I'm sensitive, but I'm not a trained sensitive, so every so often all the stuff I've been picking up on overloads me and I just crash.
I think the source of this crash is most likely coming from my empathic abilities. I feel as though I'm very affected by my surroundings. But the problem is I pick all that gunk up and carry it with me. I find it very difficult to cleanse myself of it.
So I'm currently doing some searching on how to better control my abilities and to also hone my skills. This isn't the first time I've read a book on the subject, by any means, but I have a plan set in place and I'm following the steps.
Yet, I wonder if my best chance for really gaining control on all my sensitivities is to get help? Not from a doctor, I've tried that, or medication, I've tried that too. I mean, from someone who actually knows what I'm dealing with.
I've tried to talk to those in my life who I can actually discuss this sort of thing. I think they still think I'm kind of a kook. They probably think the healing I'm talking about isn't real and a waste of money. Or am I the one who is doubting my own intuition?
My intuition tells me that I need a teacher. Someone who can help me reach my full potential. I wonder if what I've picked up over time is beyond a simple exercise to fix. Even the book mentioned the idea that a Spiritual Healer and professional may be the only way to gain true clarity.
I haven't given up hope, and I haven't given up on this idea. I think I'm going to go through with it. Any advice for someone who has never gone? Also, I'll be sure to post about my experience.