For a long time I’ve been denying parts of me that I feel I need to either embrace or discard. Allow me to explain. I feel a strong connection to nature, I also feel terribly uncomfortable in crowds, I am able to heal others, and I feel as though I take on the pains, joys, emotions, etc. of others. This goes back to my empathy vs. sensitive post before, and I’ve explored it more. I see more and more people are using the terms synonymously which each other. I wonder if maybe HSP is a term that is more acceptable in modern society, where as HSP’s would be eager to accept the empath label. I do feel that HSP is such a technical term, whereas empath flows better.
So what I’ve decided, is I’m going to explore all aspects of my capabilities. If I find that maybe I’m not really as capable of using the abilities that I thought I was, then I can accept that maybe I can’t feel others’ emotions or maybe I’m not capable of healing people/animals. But first I think I should probably accept wholeheartedly that maybe I can and maybe these are really the answers I’ve been seeking for so long. Thus, this is the post that will start me on the path. A path that calls to me when I am ready to discover something new about myself and about the world.
I’ve been posting some personal experiences on my empath forum and joining groups too. I think one thing that I’ve been disappointed in, is not seeing any information on how to really strengthen empathic abilities. First, I want to note that I haven’t yet read a book on being an empath, which is my next step in this process. (I’ll most likely order one ASAP). Second, I haven’t explored the endless stream of content on the site, so maybe I’m just missing where all this is documented. But to me, this is a priority. Most of the books/discussions/articles, seem to point towards protecting yourself. I really, really want to be able to strengthen it and use it.
Don’t get me wrong, just like every empath out there, I am fearful, exhausted, drained, and overwhelmed by these abilities and I too want to learn how to cut others off. But as I’ve lived with it, I’m learning that I can do that, I just have to take a moment to become aware that this is happening. When I’m not present, I tend to get caught up in all the energies and lose myself. Now that I’ve owned it and put a name on it, I’m aware and I cut myself off.
So what my conclusion has been thus far, and I will have to get back to you as I slowly learn more and more, is that these abilities are based on awareness of them. First step for me has been admitting to everything, even the things that I think might cause my boyfriend to think I’m crazy. This is what I’ve been going through. Reading everything that’s out there and trying to figure out what applies to me and then owning it. I’ve realized that I haven’t been entirely truthful with myself, and I also haven’t exercised the possibilities of what is causing certain feelings in me. I do know one thing. It feels right to head in this direction. Every time I relate to something someone has posted about being in nature, or feeling the energies of stones, every time I read more and more, it feels right, and I feel like I’m one step closer to something amazing.
There are so many ways that I still haven’t accepted myself. Recently I discovered a stairway that no one uses at work throughout the day. It is the perfect spot to escape to. I realized that even when I’m not interacting with co-workers, I’m still being effected by being in the same area as them. When I step in this stairwell and shut the door, a huge wave of relief, (tension that I didn’t even know I was holding onto) washes over me. I realize that I’m affected by their emotions, thoughts, stresses, without realizing it. Now I know that I need to release that stress and separate from myself physically from it. Maybe one day I can protect myself without having to do this, but as stupid as it sounds, this is what I have to do for now.
My other goal, after awareness, and after buying the book(not sure which is the right one yet), which I’m going to ask the Universe for, I am going to begin meditating more. This should allow me to focus my energies better and clear my mind, and step into the present more easily.
Wish me luck!
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