I Love Lightning

Yesterday there was an amazing storm! Lightning just ignites my soul and I feel that I have to watch every second or I'll miss something special! So when I started hearing the booms, I instantly headed down the stairs and out the door. The clouds were so dark and so low I felt as though I could read up and touch them. The ominous thundering and crack shook my insides to the core. I watched it roll towards me gaining momentum. It wasn't long before the trees began to whip frantically back and forth.

I held my breath as another thick bolt branched downward leaving a light memory in my eyes. It was exhilarating, I felt the surge of static in the humid air. I was a bit frightened, imagining myself being struck, but it only added to my euphoria. I looked around and I was the only one standing in the street, eyes trained on the billowing clouds. Another crack of power vibrated my eardrums. So much power it made me feel so small and yet part of something infinite.

A drop of water hit my hair and then another on my face. The wind sweeping and churning around gave me a slight chill causing the hair to rise on my arms. The rain flowed like a curtain towards me and suddenly it was upon me soaking me almost instantly. I wiped water out of my eyes and started to run in pure delight. The lightning continued it's booming chorus now coupled by the melody of rain drops on pavement, rooftops and windshields.

By the time I made it back to my apartment, my clothing was soaked and my hair drenched. I darted up the stairs and out to our balcony. My poor cats were racing around the apartment in a mixture of fear and excitement. Not sure what they should do, but sensing the charge in the air.

I watched from my balcony as gusts of wind tossed trees around. The gutters overflowed like Niagra Falls and torrential rain instantly filled the pockets of earth that were deep enough. Then started the clink, clink, clink of hail as it bounced off our balcony's railing. I just stood in wonder at the power and soaked up the feeling that was like some kind of high I didn't want to end.

The lightning continued well into the early hours of the morning, but we managed to remain untouched. The next morning the rise in water level caused the rivers to overflow and flood their banks. My drive to work required a detour because of the current cruising at a decent pace across the road. The fields had been filled to become lakes and I noticed a kayake or two making their way slowly along the road. I hope no one was hurt during the storm and my heart goes out to the families that had to evacuate. I have a deep respect for nature and her incredible power.

Being My Best Friend First

Sometimes I get so mad at myself for not being my own best friend. I've always had a tendency to assume that I'm at fault. This causes all forms of self-loathing and obsession over what I've done wrong. Maybe as Empaths and Highly Sensitive People, we have extremely high expectations of ourselves. More so than of those around us. For me anyway, I always felt if I made a mistake, especially if I hurt someone else's feelings, I was the most horrible person in the world. Meanwhile, when other people hurt my feelings, I make excuses for them, or try to make them feel better.

It's so true (I've read this in various Empath descriptions) that Empaths would rather everyone around them feel better, even if that means subjecting themselves to intense pain. This is because when someone else feels guilty or ashamed, I seem to feel it ten times stronger! I hate that.

So, going back to my first ironic statement, when I say how I get so mad at myself...I'm finally recognizing that I do that. I realize that when I should really be defending myself, either openly or internally, instead I'm worrying about what the other person felt. By nature, I am constantly aware of how I am affecting other people and I've never hurt anyone. Yet I've felt responsible for taking the brunt of the pain from my own self-judgement.

Well no more! I'm going to be my own best friend from now on. Whenever someone gives me a weird look or when I've unintentionally insulted someone with an honest opinion, I'm going to say they can suck it up. Because isn't that what I expect of myself?

I'm tired of worrying over what I've said or done and all the mistakes I've made, on top of how others view me. I will do my best to help and heal those around me, but I need to come first. Part of that ability is by recognizing that I'm human. I can make a mistake, but I can be proud of myself and confident that I'm a good person. Definitely key to the Empath survival guide BTW:Be Your Own Best Friend.

My intentions are of the highest love and awareness, with this in mind I go forth with dignity!